Cankles

My ankles hurt. I don't have cankles but they are quiet swollen. I have been lacking in the training department lately and have begun to step it up a notch and get ready for this race but damn my ankles hurt. I am going to the running room tomorrow to buy new shoes. And socks. Hopefully this will help me cuz as of right now; I don't want to run cuz I hurts so bad ;( 

6mths

In six short months, I will be in buffalo getting ready for my race. How ironic is it that I have seen my diabetes specialist, my doctor and diabetes dietitian all this week with today being such a significant date. 

I have a lot going on in my brain from all the information I received... But here are the highlights of what I'm thinking:

- I will log my daily activities and food with myfitnesspal (user iamjennybean if you wanna be my friend and follow). This was at the suggestion if the dietitian.

- I will begin taking VICTOZA at night along side my basil insulin. The Victoza should help with the cravings and post-meal sugar spikes. It should also help keep my sugar lower in the afternoon where I struggle the most :( 

- I will get AT LEAST 30 minutes of exercise daily. Wether it's walking donkey, doing the stairs at school or going to the gym, I will be getting the movement in whenever I can. More movement will help me feel better which wills make me not want to nap or binge.

- I will focus on what I do right: remembering to take my meds, journal meals and blog what I'm going through. This will help me be more aware of the good thigs and and be more positive... Helping avoid giving into negative thoughts, actions and emotions.

This list is not everything but it definately is a start. Small steps, big changes. 

I ended February with a Chinese food treat. Check out my fortune cookie.... I could not believe what it said... But I believe it can happen! 

Small setback already

I havnt blogged in a few days. No because I didn't want to. But because I really had nothing positive to say. I woke up Thursday morning with an incredibly sore back. This of course, after deciding wed night that I was going to the gym Thursday and trying the SHEBAM class. I couldn't even bend over to put my under garnets on. It's not my sciatc. It's definately muscular. I walked donk wed and did some stretching but by no means exhausted myself. It's quite frustrating be so sore when you're trying to be so active. I can walk. That's it. Need to rest it. Guess that my rx for the long weekend :( 

Fighting Change

It hasn't even been two days since I started to really make an effort to get myself on track and it's already an effort. There are so many temptations around me and I'm even struggling to not snack excessively.  It's like something is being dangled Infront if me saying nanana you can't have it but it makes me want it more. 

Someone said to me today, you're not supposed to be dieting. It's a lifestyle change. And they are totally right...

It is a lifestyle change. So I am currently struggling to change my bad lifestyle into a good one by NOT eating between meals at work (a very bad habit). By not going out shopping when I'm hungry at lunch (too many temptations outside of the building).

 I had a NSV today (non scale victory). I stayed at work when I knew I would pig out at lunch. I sat Infront of a computer and picked out all my favoueitegym classes in Durham region for seven days a week so I know where I can catch a class and when. 

Then after work, I avoided Costco hungry so I wildnt snack or give into a hot dog. Small steps. But big hurdles for me.

Today is day two without sugar. I am going to see how long I can hold out without ketchup.  I'm weening myself off carbs slowly over the long weekend. I already have a headache and the urge to binge and mangle something or someone.  And even if I have to stay in my room all night long, I will not give in. I will not binge. Because this journey is worth it.

 Because I am worth it. 

New Girl @ The Gym Article

Found a link on facebook today to a very powerful blog.


Made me think. 


I know what this feels like... to be the new girl.  I am feeling it right now. I would love to thank the author of that article. Really. Hits. Home.  Have a read


http://ericamillard.com/?p=1566

Biggest Loser 5k

I did something today. I registered for the Biggest Loser 5k run Aug 31 in Buffalo NY.  I felt Proud and excited for a few minutes. Until I tested my blood sugar and realized how long the road ahead is a long one to be fit and trained. Then I got sad. And tired. And my energy left my body. 

Squirrel thought: I need to research high protein low carb diets. And easy meal options. I think bread and cracker less is the way to go. 

Ok, so I felt alone when I published my news on fb. I was going to make it a secret but then I thought about it and made the decision to make myself accountable. 

Little did I know my decision was about to change my dear friend kimbos life. 

She wrote me a txt that made me feel proud, laugh and cry all at once. As painful as it is I want to share it with you, because it depicts the struggle most of us face on a daily basis with our body blues: 

"I have been in this rut for a while now. I've been putting on weight like crazy, and getting depressed from all the pounds I've been gaining. I've pretty much been in a downward spiral and I have been iching to climb out, with no motivation. And then I saw your post and I got so exited for you and thought to myself "I wish I could be like her and do something like that". I instantly heard your voice in my head and I heard you say "come on Kim, you can do it we can do it together, don't be such a wuss" lol. So I decided I can and that is all because if you. Because of your post and because of your positivity and your friendship. Thanks jenny luv you an I can't wait xoxo"

Since I recd that txt, I have researched learn to run programs and have set Kimmy and I up to get up to 5:1 in 8 weeks. From there, we tone and train and focus on healthy lifestyle.

This is the beginning of something huge. 

Blood Sugar Blues

I remember once reading something once that Jillian Michaels said: "Type2 diabetes happens becuase the food you are eating is poison."  I agree with her 100%. 

Although predisposed genetically to diabetes, I was warned that my weight and how I carry it could lead to early onset. And it did. 

I am writing three weeks shy of another Visit to the diabetic specialist where I will have Togo in and admit defeat. I will have to

Go in and say I'm a bad diabetic. That I have not been taking care of myself. That I should know better. 

I am a carbaholic and I have to figure out how to detox my body. I crave sugar. I crave bread. Sandwiches. I love carbs. They make me feel full. They make me happy, til I'm

Hungry again and then they make me sad.  Then I eat carbs and I feel full and happy. 

My afternoon blood sugar is crazy high. Always. I crave more because of it.  It's a revolving door to carbs for me....

Looking for Strength

They say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.... Well I am looking for that strength right now.    

This past year has been rough.  My mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer, my sister was very very sick, my dad had a nervous breakdown when we thought we were going to lose my mom, my dear friend and xhusband became very ill and we almost lost him, my uncle, who was more like a big brother, was taken from us far too early just before Christmas and left us all in shock. I work hard every day to earn a paycheque in a job I love only to barely cover the bills. 

The Jen everyone knows and loves is Hardworking, generous to a fault, love my family, my friends and share what I have with who comes my way. This past year, it has been an emotional rollercoaster ride and the girl who normally takes care of everyone else is now in a place where she needs to take care of herself. 

When you're focused on everyone else in your life, you tend to forget about your own.... like remembering to take your meds, eat healthy or go to the gym. But when you're exhausted the last thing you have energy for is to take care of you.

In 2014 I want to find balance and get healthy so I can continue to be strong for my family and friends

We only get one time around... We need to be the best we can be so when our day comes, we are happy with how our life turned out

I just need a little help to get me to that happy place so I can continue writing my page in history

This will not be easy, but I'm worth  the fight.  

Feb 2, 2014

EThis note comes timely because of a decision I made this week. I decided that on Feb 1, I would start getting my life together. Mind. Body and soul. This includes shedding toxic pounds and people from my life and being HAPPY. 

So to start my journey, I decided to weigh in (even though clothes are such a better way to gauge success) it's nice to see a number dropping when you make an effort.  

Little did I know it was a monumental day for me. 

Yesterday was my 2000th day on my wii fit. (Started aug 20008) so I did a little analysis on my weight data. I Started my wii fit at 213.7 (my weight got as high as 228.9 in 2005). My lowest weight ever on my wii was 182.6 with 152.6 being my low Bernie weight.  So, I racked my brains to figure out what happened in 2009 to get me that low and it hit me: a diabetes diagnosis.  I worked my ass off going to Zumba and learning to eat right. Made me wonder how I could "lose" such a pretty number. 

Watch the little dots on the chart zig zag up and down as we fast forward to today: 206.4 ... That's down 2.4lbs from the fall when I did my fitness and health assessment at the trainer.

I can "blame" some of my current weight on insulin as the effects it had on me this summer were terrible. But I can't use that a scapegoat to say why the weight is still here. I was 192.8 when I started insulin. That was last June. My weight ballooned to over 208 from it. The uncontrollable hunger and the natural side effects of weight gain put me in a miserable place. 

But I shouldn't be stuck there. 

I have the power of control in my hands... When it comes to food. But as a foodie it is so difficult to overcome carb addition and overeating. 

When i feel hopeless, I often joke that I need to go to a fatcamp and get my shit together... But this week, for some reason, I have started To harness that badass approach and want to do this myself. 

Here goes....

(Little Jen. Pictured here in Mar 2002 at approximately 152lbs)